I was walking home and I saw a cute girl, so I turned and walked after her.

“Hey!” I said to her.

“Oh! Hi…” she said, a little startled. Her pace quickened as she tried to walk away from me.

“That was a little weird wasn’t it…let me try that again” I said, stepped back and approached again and said hello.

She gave me a weird look and kept walking quickly.

“What are you up to?” I asked, plowing on.

“Oh I just finished work.”

I scanned her up and down and said “You don’t look like you work in an office…”

She asked me what I was doing and I said I was walking home but then saw her walk past and wanted to say hello. She smiled, said “Aww that’s cute. I’m Jane” and we continued chatting.

We crossed the street together and I asked her what she was doing now, she said she was going home. “Oh cool, can I come home with you?”

She gave me a sly look and said “My boyfriend wouldn’t like that…”

“You sure? He might be into a spitroast…”

“Haha no I don’t think he’d be into that…”

“You know what you should do? You should ask him when he’s asleep. And wait for him to nod in his sleep and then he pretty much said yes.”

“Haha yeah then I could record it…”

“Yeah! And then you have the evidence of him saying yes. So then you get him drunk and he’s passed out, and we fuck while you kiss him…so it’s technically a threesome because he’s involved, but really it’s just a way for us to bang without you cheating.”

“Oh. My. God. I admire your confidence but like…don’t ever say that to anyone, ever again…” she said, trailing off uncomfortably.

“Eh. What do I have to lose. You already said you have a boyfriend.”

Her face lit up and she smiled. “True! Good point! Wow when you put it like that…”

“I like to have fun. It’s worth risking weirding you out.”

“By the way, my names actually Sarah. I gave you a fake name before…you seemed really weird when you approached first…”

“HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!” I absolutely CRACKED up laughing in her face. “I love women! They make no sense, yet they make total sense!” I started yelling to the street “Women are crazy! Women are crazy!”

She gave me a quizzical look and I explained: “You’re not sure about me when I approach honestly, shy and nervous…but then when I suggest that I fuck you from behind in a dark rooom while your boyfriend is passed out, suddenly THAT is the thing that makes you want to tell me your real name and get to know me.”

“Yeah…well…uhhh…” she got a little flustered, then we continued chatting.

Eventually I asked “Anyway, do you have single friends I can bang?”

“Um…yeah! Like two or three.”

“Sweet. We should stay in touch so you can hook me up and live through me.”

“Uhh…look, once again… I admire your confidence but that’s taking it too far!”

“Nah. It’s true.” I replied, and she smiled.

We chatted a bit more, she took my facebook, and I said “We should have a goodbye hug…”

And she said “ I really want to, but…”

“SHE WANTS TO HUG ME!” I yelled to everyone on the street.

We hugged and when I got home she had added me on Facebook. Next step: get her boyfriend drunk…

Love this picture, it’s funny and also highlights the fact that so many men are clueless to how many available girls there are out there if you chose to go and meet them. I hear guys saying “It’s so hard to meet girls in this city? I’ve tried online dating, I’ve tried bars…”

Bars? You mean going for a ‘lads night’ where you get drunk, mumble something at one or two girls, then ‘have a good time with your mates’ (which translates to staring at girls and not approaching them).

What about the beach, the supermarket, public transport, the street, the library…

It’s so funny because you can use the reference experiences the universe hands you to believe anything. The amount of times I’ve been shut down this year, or had flakes from seemingly really solid numbers, I could easily create a belief system of ‘I’m shit with women, I’m weird, girls hate me, they don’t want to date me’.

I’ve been this guy many times:

The reference experiences to ‘prove’ that I’m terrible with women are all sitting there in my mind, just waiting for me to use them against myself. But instead I just focus on the ones that confirm all my positive beliefs and identity perceptions. This is an active choice I make.

I see this so much with guys I’m coaching: they have a huge bank of reference experiences that they COULD use to create/reinforce positive beliefs and mindsets that would do wonders for their self esteem/worldview/mindset in the long run, but they just choose to focus on all the negative experiences that ‘prove’ they are no good with women.

I’m talking about guys who have had 10-second makeouts, who have approached really hard sets and left with a number, or get lots of feedback that they are good looking/attractive/girls find them hot, or even have some crazy seductions under their belts, and they still don’t internalize any of it. How much more proof do they need that they are attractive, skilled seducers? With that attitude, gaining more positive reference experiences will have a minimal effect on their confidence. They need to recognize what they’ve already achieved and focus on that.

Event his guy might not realize he’s doing something right:

So much of my coaching now is just getting guys in touch with all the awesome power they already have. It’s like ‘FUCK dude if you could just see how awesome you are, all the problems you THINK you have would go away!’ The process of learning game/self improvement is less about creating something new inside yourself, and more about REMOVING all the mental blocks that stop you from seeing your potential that you already have.

It’s like that Swingers quote “You’re so money and you don’t even know it”. Most of the guys I coach undersell themselves massively. So I’m partly teaching them the nuts and bolts of seduction, but also coaching them on how to see their own potential and use it to their advantage.

How you can you do this?

For starters, write out a list of every time a woman has ever shown you interest. If you dig deep you can find some examples, even if it was as fleeting as her smiling at your or having a flirty conversation.

This experience can be used as powerful evidence for your subconscious that you are an attractive man that women are interested in. You realizing how money you already are.

Next, write out a list of every time you have ever manned up, put yourself on the line and made a bold move towards taking things further with a girl. This could be approaching, asking for a number, going for a kiss, asking a girl out, touching a woman seductively, trying to take her home etc.

Again these are the positive reference experiences that you should focus on: the ones where you were a man, where you took a risk, where you were boldly and honestly displaying your intent and following your attraction through with purpose.

It’s so easy to amass huge banks of these experiences and never actually relate to them or build your confidence based on them. When you remember the kind of man you are when you’re at your best, it allows you to step into that reality more often.

If you don’t have many of types of confidence building experiences to draw on, you can still be excited by the thought of going out there and creating them! If you’re a beginner, the cool part is that it’s not even about whether you get the girl or not, the point is just about you proving to yourself that you are the kind of guy who can have a shot, take a risk/make a move and go for what he wants. This is a powerful identity to take on and has a massive effect on your future seductions.

Focus on the things you can control: how many approaches you make, how much intent you’re showing, how many numbers you ask for, how many girls you try to kiss etc. This is still a hugely exhilarating developmental stage in becoming a man: facing your fears without attachment to the outcome.

The paradoxical thing about this article is it is aimed at guys who think they’re beginners, but are actually intermediate or advanced seducers. It’s about getting them to wake up to the proof that they’ve already lived and realize how sexy they already are.

So for guys who already have some positive seduction experiences to draw on, write out that list and remind yourself of that often. For guys who don’t, get out there and create some of those reference experiences for yourself!

This was by far the best seduction conference I’ve spoken at, with the cream of the industry’s legit coaches. Big shout-outs to Sasha, Bravo, Detail, Gareth Jones, Badboy, Ryan, Soporno and Manwhore (sorry for shredding your city bro, just not my cup of silicone tea I guess!).

I encourage all my readers to keep an eye on Sasha’s site www.directdatingsummit.com in the future to get on board this amazing event when it comes your way. The next one is in my home city of Melbourne on 5th/6th May, so all my Aussie homies, grab it while you can!

So, Vegas is supposed to be America’s city of sin, full of easy girls and cheap thrills, right??
Hmm, we stayed there a week and found it to be one of the very worst pickup cities we’ve ever been to (and the crew of deadly ladies men assembled have gamed and coached in hundreds of cities worldwide!).

It’s all hype gents.. The locals want nothing to do with tourists and the tourists are so flakey and trashy that unless you pull on the same night, you’ll never hear from them again. I’m not saying none of us got laid, I’m just saying there were no day 2′s and even the masters of phone and text were struggling to get girls to reply.

It became a running joke that when each of us pulled a solid number, we’d consider deleting it straight away. Sasha starting sending “Flake test, 1. 2. 3″ as his opening text

Having said all that, it’s a fun, surreal city to run amok in for a few days, but in my opinion an awful choice for a pickup weekend away.

Here’s a deliciously solid interaction we snapped outside a casino one night..

Breakdown

Camera misses the opening but from memory I just walked up and asked the girls why they were leaving.
The alpha female in green, Jenny, tries to blow me off immediately by saying twice that we should leave and go to the club they’ve just left. I call out the hint and then keep rolling.

Notice that I stay rooted to the same spot throughout almost the entire interaction, ignoring the clammer of the rest of the group and other guys coming in and out (Ryan, I wasn’t ignoring you because I don’t love you, just had a job to do!). As I lock her in with my intent, she walks over into my space and from there she’s all mine.

This is the way I deal with groups; fuck engaging everyone, ignoring the target or whatever convoluted strategy other wack gurus suggest. Essentially I create a private space between me and the lady and only engage others as they walk into my space. You notice that very soon, the rest of the girls scatter, essentially doing the isolation for me.

In terms of the conversation, I use a lot of spontaneous redirection. Instead of following topics along predictable literal pathways, I pick words out of the flow and shift to more flirty/interesting threads. For example, she asks me to guess her ethnicity and says, “What do you think I am?” Instead of answering the literal question, I reinterpret the question to be about her character and answer “Assertive”.

Note at 1.55 she notices the camera. I pick this up and as she’s starting the sentence, “There’s a guy over there..” I don’t look with her. I jump in quickly with heavy intent and grab her attention back. Within a half-second she’s completely forgotten that she was being filmed… That is not the PUA camera man you are looking for -  Jedi style. This is the power of presence in the moment.

Towards the end I can see the group is drifting and know I have to wrap it up before she gets pulled away. I preempt her leaving, which stops a rapid power shift, meaning that I am still the leader and trigger puller.

So, I say, “Let’s meet up again later”.
She says, “Yeah nice meeting you” in a dismissive way, and I nail her on it, showing I only want her number if she’s committed to seeing me again. “Do you want to meet again or not?” I do this often, as it shows that I’m willing to let her walk and don’t accept flakyness.

As I’m getting the number she gets distracted by her friend, and I assertively try to get her attention twice. She doesn’t comply, so I simply wait, knowing she’s obliged to turn back to me to say goodbye. Remember, there’s no point leading in an overbearing way if the girl isn’t enjoying following you. I therefore quickly reassess and chill, so I don’t come across as pushy or needy.

Notice I haven’t touched her much until the end, although she does a lot of incidental touch on me. I prefer to do less touch, build sexual tension through intent and presence, sporadic incidental touch, and then spike physically at the end. So, when she tries to give me a chaste obligatory hug, I pull her in and we get all wrapped up and she jumps up on me. Tender cheek kiss and then I walk off..

Oh, did I meet up with her later, you might ask?

“Flake test, 1. 2. 3…..”

James.
www.thenaturallifestyles.com

Vaguely related picture of failure

I was at Carlton Club after work, at around 3am. I was in the smoking area with my friend and we got chatting to two girls. The tall brunette I was talking to was a bit tipsy, and she was loading her words with seductive tones and giving me sex eyes every time she looked at me.

We were sitting near each other and as we shared a cigarette we were pressed close together. I was caressing her cheeks, neck and hair. “You shouldn’t be doing that…but it feels really good…” she said with her eyes closed.

It was the end of the night and I was tired so I just said “I’m going home soon. Want to come with me?”

She shot me a lingering glance, paused, turned the idea over in her mind and said “I shouldn’t…”

“Ok. Lets just go hook up in the bathroom then” I said, deadpan.

She hesitated again, and then said “Okay.” I took her by the hands and led her to the bathroom.

Being so late the bathrooms were empty, and we went straight to a stall to hook up. We kissed, I started kissing her neck and touching her tits, and she grabbed at my dick. I pulled it out and she started stroking it.

After 20 seconds she tensed up. “I shouldn’t be here…I’m 28…I’m looking for something more than random bar hookups…”

I paused, then realized she was serious. “Okay…nice to met you anyway”. She pulled her top back up, we hugged, and she left.

On the walk back to the car I started to notice something funny…not laughing funny. It was a strange tingling sensation in my pants. Oh no, I thought. I have blue balls.

I got in my car and started driving, running yellow lights in a desperate bid to get home and release. By the time I was at Richmond I was finding it hard to steer the car. I pulled over, doubled over in pain, resigned to my fate. There was only one path of action for me to take, and it was a seedy one. I pulled my iPhone out and descended to the inevitable filthiness that awaited me. I loaded up some hot doggystyle porn, pulled my throbbing erection out, and started to vigorously jack it. Half way through, I realized I had to jizz somewhere. I frantically looked around my car, and saw I had two options: jizz all over myself, or do it in the Hungry Jacks burger wrapper that was sitting on my floor.

I picked it up, and tried to position it so it would catch my load. I hadn’t had blue balls in years, so I massively underestimated how much cum there would be.

I collected the first spurt in the Hungry Jacks wrapper, where it blended in with the mayonnaise. The rest over shot the wrapper and hit the dash. In my attempt to catch it in the wrapper, I jerked around wildly, which only served to send the cum that was still exploding out of my dick on the steering wheel, seat, and door. On top of that, the cum that I had caught in the wrapper ran off the side and dripped all over my pants.

I looked around at the mess I had made and thought “Wow…some pickup artist you are Liam. Jacking off and cumming all over your car to iPhone porn…alone. At 5am…on a main road in the Richmond business district.” I hung my head (and dong) in shame and drove home. I was still finding splurges of cum in my car for the next few days.

“Hi!” she said. Then I saw her clipboard and realized what was up. She was some kind of sales girl. A car saleswoman, it seemed

“Do you drive?” she asked.

“Yeah…”

“When was the last time you had your car serviced?”

“3 days ago…” I replied, seeing the potential to have fun with it.

I like hearing people’s sales pitches, because it’s fun for me to fuck with them since I know I’m not going to sign up, and it’s good training for them to learn objection handling. So I decided to play along.

“What did they do during your last service?”

“They installed a back scratcher. It’s voice automated. It scratches my back for free.”

“Wow cool! And how much did you pay for that?”

“Nothing…”

“Nothing?”

“Well… I just took a gun into the mechanic, held it to his head and told him that he better fix my car or there’d be trouble” I explained casually.

“Awesome!” she replied grinning, without missing a beat. “We do something very similar.”

“You use a gun?” I asked, incredulous.

Girls with guns are kinda hot…

“Yeah! Uh… I mean…um…”

“What kind of gun?”

“Uhh a…um…” She paused, tried to think of a witty comeback, and couldn’t think of anything so just sidestepped that one entirely.

“Anyway… this is what we’re doing…” and she went on to explain the deal they were giving.

She went through the benefits and concluded with “So it’s a free service worth $980!”

“Cool. So whys it say $189 right there…”

“Oh well the service is free but you still have to pay for the parts…but you’re saving money!”

“Ok. I don’t have any money anyway… I spent it all on heroin.”

“Cool! Can I have some?”

“Sure. Get in my car and come to my place right now, we’ll go shoot up.”

“Ok!” she says, and starts walking to the passenger door. She stops just before getting in and says “Just kidding!”

She walks off, and I call out “Hey if you actually want a lift somewhere I can give you one…” I wasn’t that attracted to her but I appreciated that she joked along.

Her manager appeared in a suit from behind a pillar and gave me a ‘get away from my salesgirl you creep’ stare.

“I’m not leaving till I make this last sale!” she said, and I yelled back “That’s the winners attitude that will make you a success!” and drove off into the sunset (moonlight).

With her attitude and drive, she’s bound for piles and piles of money:

This little exchange is just one example of the regular stimulating, creative and playful conversations I have with the people I meet as I go about my day.

It’s a sharp contrast with guys who want to learn how to seduce women and be respected by the people they meet (i.e. how to be charming) but who don’t actually spend much time practicing or doing it.

When I first found out about the seduction community I bought into the myth that you can just whip out your seduction skills on Friday and Saturday night and not have to worry about it for the rest of the week, like it was some kind of ‘skillset’ that you deploy. This approach to seduction is fake, requires you to put on a false social mask and has a negative impact on your results: people can sense when you’re putting on a front.

The reality is that seduction is something you ARE, not something you do. Likewise, having an easygoing, charming personality and being relaxed to have stimulating interactions with strangers becomes so much easier when you chose to make it part of your everyday life. When you’re living it, it flows as a natural expression of your personality.

I wasn’t always that relaxed talking to strangers. I started small, making a goal to talk to one new person (guy or girl) on the train every day on the way to uni. This allowed me to be comfortable interacting with strangers and opened up the path to me being a whole lot more relaxed as I go about my day.
Make it your mission to share a joke with one new person every time you leave the house, or to make a stranger smile. It will sow the seeds that will allow you to relax when meeting strangers, and make every day of your life about having fun instead of feeling awkward in social situations.

The flow on effect of this to seduction is obvious: if you’re constantly training yourself to be a charming, relaxed person and have fun as you go about your day, approaching women and getting to know them is going to become much, much easier.

I was at Central Station in Sydney. I had just finished an all day coaching session and had 20 minutes to wait for my train. I realized that while being in Sydney for the workshop, I hadn’t worked out in a few days. “Why don’t I just do some pushups right here?” I thought.

It was pretty busy:

“Hmmm…nah…that will look weird” says the safe, sensible part of my brain; the part that’s supposed to stop me from acting on every impulse. “You’re just some guy dressed like a metal head with no shoes on doing pushups at the train station. And you’re wearing glasses. That will look mega unusual.”

Then of course the Social Freedom voice says “Come on…what’s the big deal? I thought you were a Social Freedom coach? You make your students push their comfort zone all the time and you can’t even do some pushups right now?”

“Nah I just don’t feel like it…not here. I’ll just wait till I’m home…”

“But you’re going straight to a party when you get home. You have 20 minutes right now. Why do you even care? You don’t know any of these people here. You don’t even live in this city!”

“Yeah but…it will be uncomfortable…”

“So what? In 6 months, will you care that you endured a few minutes of discomfort? Or will you be happy you stuck to your exercise goals?”

I continue to argue with myself (this whole though process lasts less than 15 seconds) and then I decide to go take a piss and do it when I get back.

I come back from the toilet, shaking and slightly nervous, empty my pockets in front of me, get on the floor and start doing pushups.

As soon as I begin, I hear “YOU FUCKIN’ WANKER!” booming across the platform in a loud English accent. I look over and see two blonde British girls yelling at me. “Show off! Tough guy! Go on, do some more pushups!” they yell.

They looked like British party girls, kinda like this:

I slowly stand up, take a breath and say “Looks like I have a cheer squad. You have to count them out for me.”

“Fine!”

“Let me hear you count.”

“Just start doing the fucking pushups!”

“I wanna hear you count first!” I say firmly. She complies, and as they count one, I drop and begin to hammer out 20 pushups.

“Now do berrhpiessz!”

“What?”

“Do BURPIES!”

“What the fuck’s that?”

“Ya don’t know what a fuckin’ burpie is?”

“No” I say, giving her a cold stare. “Show me.” I challenge her.

She hesitates. “Come on!” I yell, and she drops and shows me a pushup mixed with a star jump.

I do my 20, and then 20 more pushups. They continue to yell at me with a mixture of encouragement and insults.

“More! Harder! FASTER! YOU SUCK!” Their tone was still very confrontational and aggressive.

Their train arrives and I’m left on my platform with everyone who witnessed this exchange. What to do now? I feel like I should stop, because I don’t have my cheer squad anymore. Fuck that. My priority is my workout. I start doing sit-ups.

It gets weirder when I’m resting between sets and some mid 30s guy comes and waits for his train near me. Starting that set again was hard, because I was aware that since he didn’t witness the initial exchange, from his point of view there is a dude sitting on the platform in front of him who randomly decides to start doing pushups at his feet.

It got even weirder when I opened my eyes during a sit up set and made eye contact with some shy Asian student who was standing in my line of site, a meter away. It seemed very sexual and creepy because I was on the ground and panting. Oh well, her fault for standing near the weird guy at the station.

Hard to concentrate on sit-ups when you’re making eye contact…

The times between the sets were the hardest because I was acutely aware that everyone on all of the closest platforms was watching me. I had to just crouch there panting and pretend like I didn’t notice.

I got on the train feeling much better, so glad that I had worked out my chest and arms and even gladder that I hadn’t let the people at the station stop me from working out. If I didn’t work out it would have felt like they were all controlling me, preventing me from working out.

The reality is that it’s not them stopping me from doing it, it’s MY fear of what they think of me that is really stopping me.

As I walked through the train, a gang of rough looking kids were standing on the stairs

You know the type:

They quickly moved out of the way as I walked towards them. Maybe they were genuinely polite people and I’m judging by appearances, but it seemed that they saw the manic craziness in my eyes, induced by the physical exertion and comfort zone plunge I had just taken and didn’t want any trouble.

I decided to take it to the next level and do pull-ups on the train bars. I came up to a carriage where some cyclists had their bikes across the doors. They got up to move them and I said “Don’t worry…I’ll just climb over. Hold this.” I handed them my drink bottle and gripped the bars running along the roof, pulling myself over the bikes.

“Wow. That was fun. I think I’m gonna do some more pull-ups right here” I informed the cyclists. I could instantly see that they thought I was drunk or on drugs.

“You been at a music festival today?” they asked me, sniggering to each other.

“Nah. Just been at work” I panted while doing pull ups. I kept chatting to them and we were joking about how the balance handles look like sex toys. The breaks between my sets were mega awkward, with friendly enough conversation clouded by the fact that they thought I was crazy.

They kept muttering to each other and giggling, as if I couldn’t hear them, unaware that I was fully sober. I didn’t mind. As long as I got to do my workout I was happy.

I felt great getting off the train. Doing pushups in public may not be that far outside social reality, I’m sure plenty of groups of boys do pushups in public when they’re mucking around. The difference mentally for me was that I was by myself. If I have a friend there the context is ‘guys being guys and showing off/causing a scene’, which puts me in the badboy/rebel mode and is fun. But me being by myself just makes me looked like a whacked out druggie or socially retarded psycho, or someone stupid enough to think public pushups are impressive to others. The question I ask myself is “AM I a whacked out druggie? No. AM I socially retarded pyscho? No. AM I doing this to impress strangers? No. So even if some random people in a different city think that, it doesn’t make it true. I know myself better than their perception of me.”

But when I saw Johnny speak at the PUA Summit last year, he was one of the few guys there that not only didn’t set off my bullshit radar but genuinely impressed me and opened my world view further. We hung out that afternoon with the maverick crew (Sasha, Gareth Jones, James Social coach) and his wonderful girlfriend Violet. I asked him to explain their relationship dynamic and was curious how he managed to stay un affected by being the partner of an adult film star.Although I have no solipsistic judgement on her career choice and I’m a pretty open minded guy, (have explored all sorts of relationship paradigms over the years) but I must say the idea of sharing the woman I love with absurdly hung chiselled porn stars is pretty confronting.

In his careering style he not only answered my question but went on an epic diatribe that covered: Why marriage is a sham, what a rolex is actually for (I’ve never had a watch and it always baffled me why someone would put the price of a house on their wrist) and what happens if you put your girlfriend in the boot (trunk) of a car..

Although his rant was incredibly eloquent and convincing, what really interested me was the way he and Violet were together. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a couple that after 7 years were still so loving, open, honest and dorkily cute together. Whatever they’re doing, it’s definitely working. So here’s to the wonderful weird diversity of human love, enjoy the vid!

and now.. I’m off to Vegas with Gareth to join the whole motley crew once more to present at Sasha’s Direct Dating Summit. Stay tuned for more tales from the surreal world of the travelling lotharios…

This story doesn’t feature any sex but it is a great example of how your life becomes more interesting and exciting once you start following your social impulses.

I was walking to my car at 3am, and saw a woman looking lost. I walked past and didn’t talk to her due to a bunch of excuses. “I don’t wanna creep her out” “There’s no point talking to women at 3am” “It’s not going to go anywhere”.

Then I think “What if she’s lost?” “What if she’s a tourist just waiting to meet a guy?” “What if she wants to come home with me? I could be walking past some easy sex.”

“Are you a tourist?” I ask her warmly, and she smiles and says no, and told me her name was Amy. We start chatting and she says “I’m out here because there’s a fire!”

“What do you mean?”

“Well it’s my office party upstairs, but there is smoke all through the second floor. There is a fire!”

She seemed way too relaxed. I was taken aback by her relative calmness- if there really was a fire, why was she the only one downstairs? Where was the fire brigade? Why couldn’t I see any smoke or fire alarms?

After getting off the phone from someone who was at the party, she told me to come upstairs and have a look. As we walked down the hall I started to get uneasy- where was she taking me? I didn’t like the fact that the building didn’t look like an office at all. I didn’t like the long hallway and harsh lighting. And I certainly didn’t like the way that she skipped along ahead of me by a few steps, stringing me a long in a sing song girly voice, taking me towards the fire but not seeming afraid of said fire… was I about to me mugged by her heavy handed male accomplices?

Party of me was hoping it was this:

I kept my guard up and cautiously followed her up the stairs, where she showed me what all the fuss was about: there did seem to be a sizeable amount of smoke billowing out from 2nd floor. I asked her if we should go have a look, but she said to come upstairs where everyone else was so we could find out what was going on.

We emerged out onto the roof, to the scene of a party that was still raging despite the obvious fire danger. There was about 15 people on the roof all in high spirits, couples were making out left and right of me, and our entrance garnered a volley of cat calls “Who’s the guy you picked up?” from her co-workers.

Like this, but with more booze and people making out:

It turned out they were a social media web development company operating out of the first floor, and as the French designer told me, “the second and turd floorz ‘ave been abaddoned.” (The 2nd and 3rd floors have been abandoned.)

The smoke was also explained: since the building was due to be demolished soon, they had got a bity rowdy downstairs and someone had sprayed the fire extinguisher all through the 2nd floor.

Like this, except with a thick layer of white foam instead of paper:

Amy was the boss, and clearly the party pooper. She went on and on about the fire for about 10 minutes in a cycle that went something like this:

“Guys I think there’s a fire!”

“No Amy. We already explained that. It’s just fire extinguisher discharge.”

“But why is there smoke?”

“It’s not smoke it’s…”

“And the sign said we shouldn’t be on the roof, there’s asbestos out here! I can feel it in my mouth!”

“No that’s just the fire extinguisher mist you’re breathing in.”

“Okay…so are you sure there’s no fire?”

“No Amy. We already explained that. It’s just fire extinguisher discharge.”

Repeat cycle.

They literally had almost that exact conversation, 9 or 10 times in a row. The first four times it was funny but then I got bored and started chatting to the other party goers.

“You poor thing, being dragged off the street into Amy’s mess…very chivalrous of you though!” one of them said.

“Uh are you serious? This is awesome! One minute I’m walking to my car, the next I’m partying on a rooftop with a bunch of friendly strangers after helping Amy solve the fire mystery. Sure beats driving home.”

After chatting with the team and getting to know them, someone offered me a beer, which I was told to help myself to from downstairs. The French guy and some goth chick came with me, and showed me the carnage that had already been wreaked on the 2nd floor. There was still fire extinguisher smoke clouding the air and the floor was covered in a fine layer of foam. There was empty beer bottles everywhere, and fresh beers were waiting in a series of sinks. “Eet used to be a ‘air salon…so we ‘ave converted dis sinks into a beer ‘older!” (They were using the old hair salon sinks as beer holders.)

The energy of the party and the realization that this room would be demolished soon was beginning to dawn on me. “So wait… I don’t even need a bottle opener do I. I can just use this window sill to crack my beer!” I told Bastise. He nodded and I cracked my beer open, tearing the window sill to shreds and accidently smashing the mouthpiece in the process.

“Can’t drink out of this broken bottle…looks like it’s time for a beer shower!” I yelled, and shook the beer up and started shaking the froth everywhere. My reckless mood was infectious and the other partygoers who had trickled downstairs in search of booze and drama were inspired. They were milling around, and I could sense they wanted some action.

“Hey…we can just smash all these bottles right here, can’t we!”

“Yeah! It doesn’t matter!” they said.

CRASH! I flung my bottle at the wall and it exploded, and helped myself to another fresh beer.

A few other people joined in and spirits were high as we danced around, our yelling and whooping adding to the symphony of broken glass cascading around us.

One couple to the left of me started making out. “Who was that guy I just kissed?” she asked afterwards, in a party induced haze. I liked the energy of this party.

One of the more bossy women from the office entered the room and said “Hey! What’s going on! Liam, you are a menace! I think you need to go upstairs right now, where you can party a bit more safely.”

“Yeah…well I think YOU need to join in the fun and smash some bottles!” I yelled.

“Uh…okay!” she replied, and I handed her one.

“I’ve always wanted to do this!” she giggled, and sent her bottle sailing across the room, bouncing off the table before exploding against the wall.

“WOOO! AWESOME! YOU RULE!” I yelled. “Let’s all do it!”

I lined up 10 bottles on the table and said “Shooting gallery everyone! Grab your weapons and FIRE!” The room went berserk as everyone who was milling around picked up a bottle and flung it at the wall at the same time. The adrenaline of being able to be so destructive without consequences was going to  my head, and a pulled open a broom cupboard…and discovered about 50 fluorescent light bulbs!

“Light saber fights!” I yelled, tossing one to Batiste, and we had a sword duel before us both sending them flying into the wall like spears.

The fun could only last so long, and the concerned tone of Amy the manager cut through the excitement in the air like a knife. “Who is breaking glass down here?!” Everyone fell silent as she ruined the fun by scolding me and telling me to leave.

“Hey, I wasn’t trying to cause trouble. I thought this whole place is getting demolished soon anyway? Can’t I stay?”

“No, you have to leave.”

“Ok. I had my fun. Thanks for the beer. Bye, guys, I’m getting kicked out! I love you all!” I yelled after my co-conspirators in the destruction party club.

“Bye Liam!” they called out after me, sad to see me go.

I walked back to my car thinking “What a crazy way to end the night. Free booze, inspiring a whole office to trash their own second floor…imagine if I hadn’t talked to her and missed out on all that fun!?”

We’re running our final ever Masterclass starting THIS SATURDAY 3rd March in Melbourne. Last count we had 3 spots left, so anyone who’s interested check out www.masterclassrevolution.com and get in contact with me ASAP.

Peace,

James.