How to approach a shy girl – Infield analysis from the Euro Tour

Hey guys,
Tim and I have been trawling through the dozens of hours of footage from our recent world tour. There’s heaps of infield antics that we’ll start posting up over the coming weeks. To start with I’m putting up this clip of an approach I did on the last day of the Euro Tour.

This was an interesting and challenging approach that demonstrates a number of the key principles we teach, so check it out and read the breakdown below to get a clearer understanding of what I was doing. Enjoy!

Things to look out for:

Calling out discomfort - It is clear from the beginning that this girl is uncomfortable in the interaction, which is completely understandable. She is shy, standing waiting for friends and as we find out has never been approached by anyone (let alone someone speaking a foreign language) before. She’s not being a bitch or giving me “shit tests”, this is just unfamiliar and awkward for her.
Her body language and lack of initial investment alerts me to this, so several times I call it out, giving her a window to tell me to leave if she wants. This shows her I understand the way she is feeling and am not sleazy or pushy. It takes me doing this three times before she finally relaxes and engages with me.

Stamina --  It’s fairly uncommon for a woman to properly blow you out (hand in your face screaming “fuck off pervert!”) and it’s actually the man who often ends the interaction prematurely. Just because a woman doesn’t open up immediately, doesn’t mean she is completely uninterested. When strangers meet they often approach each other with caution and awkwardness. If you can accept this as part of the natural process and move through it, then you will find an unresponsive girl can soon open up and give you her number. It takes about 4 minutes of me carrying almost the entire conversation before she starts asking me questions and investing equally. A rule of thumb is to stay in at least one minute longer than you want to and increase that every interaction.

Space, response & timing -- You’ll notice I leave plenty of space in between chatting. Even when she’s not giving more than one word answers. If I had have hammered her with a barrage of questions and stories, she would have locked up even further. Leaving silence encourages her to get involved and also gives me more time and space to read the situation and respond accordingly.

Body language -- You’ll notice I’m fairly still throughout the whole conversation. There are very few unnecessary movements. When I use my hands to express myself they are coordinated with my words. Less and deliberate movement shows confidence and self awareness. It also encourages the woman to become more focussed on the interaction.

Shaping --  Towards the end of this approach I begin to shape her behaviour. I get her to ask me to stay with her, then set the condition that she has to be friendly to me. In this way I have led her to invest more and shown her that I expect her involvement and positive communication or I’m leaving. See how I have flipped the power dynamic from a few minutes earlier when she was uncomfortable and unresponsive.

Closing with a context - As I go for the number, I stop and ask for some more investment from the girl. This is because it is very important to have a reason why I’m getting her number. Now I made a small mistake here as I actually let her off the hook and didn’t press the issue which I should have..Even the gurus make mistakes:) But the principle remains. The best time to get a number is after drawing investment or qualifying. If she reveals something cool/sexy/interesting about herself this is a valid reason for me to want to see her again. Just being a hot girl isn’t enough as that would put me in the same group as every other guy who qualifies a girl on looks alone.

I trust you found this useful. Stay tuned for plenty more infield analysis coming soon.

Peace,

James.

Uncategorized